LOVE by Ramadan Abu_Albarkah

On to the elders, I went to ask
About love, son you've brought a big task
They said to me, Love is nothing but a flask
And not a dam a little lad can bask

Love is the poetry of the senses
Entirely surrounded by expenses
Exists the inexistences
Complicated to all intelligences

It is an indomitable feelings no one could ever fathom
An invincible emotion that develops within an Atom
Love is but an affection that captivates the heart without demanding for a ransom
Neither Naira, Dollar, Euro nor som

A heart that lacks it is a dead among the living
A world without it Is worth leaving
It gives mutual feelings without one deceiving
The other, Something you feel high while receiving

But if we should talk with kindess,
It is the mixture of happiness and sadness
While with the right person it eases your hardness
But while with the opposite, it is nothing but darkness

Love is being happy and sad at the same time
Happy to have him, sad would it be for a lifetime?
Love is sticking to him even when he has no dime
And not liming with him only when he has lime

A soul without love is counted Zero
Such a soul is as hopeless as a Dero
A soul that knows how to handle it is called an Hero
Being with such a soul is sweeter than Cero

Now ask yourself, are YOU happy?
With your partner, is your relationship sappy?
Are You just being treated like a used nappy?
Or Like a little child gets spoilt by a caring pappy?

EVERYBODY DARES THE NEXT LUNGE: YOU TOO CAN DO IT AFRAID! by Mubassirah Bint Solih

There is always that voice at the back of your mind which tells you to not even “dare” to go beyond thinking about this particular thing you want to do, especially when it is a particularly new and intriguing idea. Quite many things contribute to making us doubt our ability in certain fields, and true, until and unless we actually “try”, we cannot know just how well (or how bad) we are at it. However, fear has always been a part of the human nature, in varying degrees.

We all have habits and hobbies, things we do without worries about the outcome or even the reaction it will get from others: that is because we have overcome the first phase of feeling nervous and anxious as regards whether or not we will be able to do it as well as we hope/believe, and we have gotten so used to doing it that it has now become “spontaneous” and “no big deal”. Everyone has some grounds they have either never walked on or “think” they will ever walk on, no matter how awesome they have gotten on every other ground. That is just normal as well; nobody ever wants to leave their comfort zone, and, it is always easier clutching an acquired trophy than fighting with others for a new one.

Challenges are however an integral part of life and living. Fear follows every challenge (for everybody), and that is just an indication of you being about to “extend” your limitations and set new records for yourself: we cannot grow without fear, since we cannot attempt new things without it. When we get too comfortable on certain couches and don’t ever want to get off it, it restricts us indefinitely, despite the fact that we keep wanting to try our hands on other things and see how it will go (it is just normal that we “feel” like trying something new: variety they say is the spice of life!). If you always feel too afraid to try out new things, and force yourself to believe that your present position is just perfect and okay for you, then, this is for you!

Ten Steps to Help You Do it Afraid
You have already identified a goal or objective which you would love to achieve, but, thanks to the fear factor, you always push it to the back of your mind with a “it’s not important anyway” or “I don’t want to be disappointed”, but, here is how you can set out “slow but steady” to eventually pull off that dream!

1. Identify your strengths: this is definitely the first thing to do, because, it gives you a beautiful insight into what resources you have available at your disposal (material or not). List out all of what would be required to bring your ideal into reality, and then, from the listed features and resources, tick out the ones you have in and with you. For instance, if you need a certain amount of money, a team member(s), set of machinery, honesty, commitment, great foresight, among others, and you have all of these things save the machinery (of course you know best what makes up your character and attributes, regardless of what the super-humble and fearful voice within you says; you may refer to your previous experiences to be especially factual and resolved on each stated point), then, you mark out all of what is on ground and rate each of their importance to your new endeavor.
This should already give you a level of confidence since you have factually assessed and analyzed your available potentials and resources; you should now have a feeling like “not too bad for a start”, yeah? You would normally have inclinations towards things you naturally have a degree of competence in, even if you have never tried “them” out before; so, at the very least, you wouldn’t be so stranded you will have “nothing” of the requirements.

2. Identify your fears: since identifying your strengths invariably leaves you with the recognition of your flaws, you have gotten clear on all practical and real points, and next, you need to identify your fears; bring them out in the open, free them from the limited space in your little head. Here, you answer the question: what exactly am I afraid of? What is the reason for that fear? What is the extent of that fear?
Upon bringing your fears to limelight, you can face them with shame, and have the courage of surmounting them. “If they are no longer lurking in your head, then, they have been scattered into bits to be gradually dissolved” never forget that quote.

3. Employ your fears: yes, this is just what comes next. Upon identifying your fears and acknowledging them, what you need to do is to challenge yourself on every point of fear you conceived. Employ your fears strategically, know what options are available to you when a step is taken (prepare for what the flip of the coin will bring; head or tail), and one after the other, your fears would then become your motivation towards achieving the great feat that you probably never dared believe you could ever make!
Employing your fears means making your fears work for you: they are being the drivers and the result of their drive will be their pay! Make up your mind to trust better in your identified strengths and “dare” yourself to succeed, keep those fears at both sides: when it goes well, say to the particular fear that has been overcome “oh, so you were this empty. Over to the next challenge!”, and when it goes not-too-well, say to the fear “you aren’t as bad as I imagined, I’ll be sure to deal with you better next time.” There you have it! Employ your fears reasonably, don’t overwhelm yourself with challenges; take everything a step at a time.

4. A risk a day: there is a popular quote that says successful people are those who take risks! Yes, with every single thing we invest in, we are taking risks (huge or little); the higher the expected return the greater the risk (usually), and, the more novel the endeavour the greater the risk (relatively). You have made up your mind to do it, so yes, do it! You can’t just jump off your comfort zone and expect to find immediate lasting solace; again, be reminded that it is a step at a time (Rome was not built in a day).
You have a goal, but, you shouldn’t set the bar too high for yourself, just how you shouldn’t allow yourself to get fixated at any stage (growing too comfortable with your achievement at that stage that you no longer feel interested, or maybe too afraid, to proceed to the next); do not let a day go by without you making new headways. Take a risk a day (or week, or month, depending on the goal and your laid down strategy towards actualization); just don’t let a day go by without some efforts getting invested.

5. Stay deaf to negativity: you definitely have enough fears and anxieties of your own to deal with, now is not the time to entertain negativity from the outside world; if they are not giving you the encouragement you need, then, let the opposite be unheard. It is appreciated that you have people around you who would offer their opinions and help you weigh matters correctly before you settle for a particular course of action, but, if you have made up your mind (or have hopes of doing so) and decided to expand your boundaries and exposure, then, you will be doing yourself a deserved good by not paying too much attention to negative aura; from strangers or known persons.
Anything or person trying to tell you that you cannot do it or you don’t deserve it or you are better off without stressing so much: whatever form the negativity vibes they are trying to rub off you is taking, stay deaf and blind to it! There is never a harm in trying something ”more” than your “usual”; it is either you win or you learn. So yes, go for it!

6. Be inspired: now, your inspiration is very crucial, you can hardly get anything done without being inspired towards actualizing it. Your inspiration can come from inside or outside; read some literature available on your proposed project (whatever it is), discuss with experienced people in the field, discuss with some really great friends who would improve your inspiration level, think about why you want to do this and understand what huge help it will be doing for you and others: what better way to be and stay inspired than to have a great understanding of what problems facing people you intend to solve by “risking” doing this “right”?

7. Feed your faith: spiritually and psychologically, your faith is not a factor that can be traded either ways! Be sure to keep your faith always rising; nothing happens except by the will of the Almighty, and nothing makes meaning except by your faith in your own self. Trust that your Lord will support you on this cause and make it a success, coupled with your own faith that He will aid you in letting your dream come to fruition.

8. Self-motivate: aside outside inspirations, your motivation is irreplaceable! The thoughts and attitudes of others may change at any point, but, your thoughts and attitude towards your own aspirations and their achievements shouldn’t! That is why you need to be self-motivated in the course of achieving any feat. Always have a “reason” that will keep you “focused” and “determined” in the face of any hindrance, so that you always have that to fall back on, regardless of what situation you are currently suffering.
This is yet another “strength” that would assist you in getting it done: the zeal that is really yours and propels you to keep “trying” until you “get it”.

9. Have a plan: yes, don’t just have it in your mind that you will get it done, and then calculate your steps and “assume” you will be able to follow it through that way. Make sure to have your plan well laid out! Organize the process you need to follow in strategic steps, prepare a plan-B in case of any eventualities, and, make your plan as detailed and realistic as possible.
Despite your fears, you need to be as calculative as you are optimistic! Don’t dive in blindly, go in fully prepared!

10. Hit the track: of course, you did not go through all of those steps just so you can take in a deep breath and say “yeah, okay, so, I can do it afraid too”, did you? Definitely not! You have mentally and materially prepared yourself for the task ahead, and, now is the time to get started on the job. Hit the track, make a go at it, get the ball running! The ball is definitely in your court; the journey of a thousand mile begins with a step, yeah? And, without that first step, there wouldn’t be any journey at all.
Never forget this beautiful quote as well: a noble idea, without action, is meaningless!
So, why not take that deep breath in and take the little (baby) step first?
You can do it afraid too!
Good luck!

THE WHEREABOUT by Daud Ismail Olakunle

If I went on without a trace, just
Stare at the lines on your palms. They
Would portray my foot print that passed
Through them like a storm and the breeze.

If I went on without a trace, just
Look at the rays of that sun. They
Would picture my hairs and how
They became thinner in the air.

If you perceive that I've lost on
This surface of your earth, check your
Heart. You would find me perching at
A corner reciting you hope and give a pat.

If I went on without a trace, just
Ask the eagle on the corn-tree of
A country that swallows the men's tears;
Soaking them in the pool of their fears.

It would clatter its haggard wings
And croak that I left myself behind,
Wallowing in the ocean of peace;
Preaching hell for their brutal deeds

If I went on without a trace. Ask
The eyes that stay bleak and dark. The
Mouths that remain mute and mumbled. The
Legs that stand still and stiffen. The bodies
That sound thud and numb. Their lies
That fake dreams and blur.

© D.O Isma'eel

DOUBLE STANDARDS: WHY YOU MAY BE WRONG IN YOUR JUDGEMENT by Mubassirah Bint Solih

We all seem to enjoy passing judgment on the conducts of other people, accusing them of either being fake or living with double standards. Oxford dictionary defines “double standard” as a rule or principle which is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups. Wikipedia defines it as the application of different sets of principles for situations that are, in principle, the same, and is often used to describe an advantage that is given to one party over another.

Applying different principles to similar-looking situations may or may not indicate a double standard. In order to distinguish between the application of a double-standard and the valid application of different standards towards circumstances that only appear to be the same, several factors must be examined. One is the sameness of those circumstances, philosophy or belief system. If correctly identified, a double standard is viewed negatively as it usually indicates the presence of hypocritical, biased and/or unfair attitudes leading to unjust behaviours (Wikipedia).

Principally, it is practically explained to be a situation where a person shows two different conflicting sides of himself (of speech, opinions, deeds, convictions, etc) to the public on the very same matter; judging something as legal when it involves a certain set of people and judging it as illegal when it involves another set of people. It may be simply termed as “hypocrisy” since it also involves being two-faced. You would normally expect that a person who preaches contentment and sincerity would never involve in shady money-making activities (such as yahoo and the likes of it), but, it will be a great rude shock to find out that these people who come out in the public and make us want to adopt the most decent and moral lifestyles end up being revealed to us (eventually) as people who live the most hideous of lives. 

While it may be true that it is quite easy to identify someone with double-standards and reproach them for such maladaptive behaviours, it is relatively difficult to be assured in our identification and judgment of them, due to a number of factors, of which change and personal weaknesses top the list.

CHANGE is said to be the only phenomenon in the world of man that is consistent, and as such, no living being is immune to it. In essence, as time advances and people get exposed to more experiences and facilities, they tend to alter their moral values and judgment to align with their current situation and circumstance. Thus, it cannot be easily assessed what convictions and values a person currently hold before indulging in activities we “have always known” contradict their personal standards and defy their life philosophies and principles. Your views and perceptions of something or someone may change; the more you increase in knowledge of a particular phenomenon or situation, the more your previous assertions seem to be wrong, and thus, you start to deflect: that cannot be said to be double standard of course. However, your intentional refusal to come out to proclaim the event of such change and/or denying its occurrence makes you portray yourself to the public as still firmly upon your previous assertions. In this case, you intentionally lead them to believe (and maybe even act upon) information you have realized is inaccurate, probably just to save your own face. The fact that your extrinsic behaviours do not match your intrinsic perceptions makes you guilty of double standard!

For instance, a person who used to lead a promiscuous life advocating for sexual purity and emotional commitment and fidelity in relationships would not be said to be having double-standards (as most people would love to immediately adjudge): the fact that a person “used to” do something does not take away their right to speak against such a thing when they have finally realized the evils there are in such endeavors. In fact, a person who has been through the dregs of a menace is in the most efficient position to talk against it, given the belief that “experience is the best teacher”. It is rather sad that people would rather gossip and say things such as: who is talking about sexual purity? That one? Ah, if you know how shameless she used to… I know her, she is just trying to conform to the societal norms and make people believe she has some elements of good too, she is the last person who is supposed to be opening her mouth to talk about sexual purity or any such! Such double-standards! (Once a thief always a thief, yeah?)

There are also cases of people who used to hold an opinion as correct but later deflected, then, we see them acting upon these newly adopted ideologies and assume they are being “untrue” to their beliefs and convictions, whereas, we are only ignorant of changes that have likely occurred to make them change their positions. As mentioned earlier though, if it involves a situation where the individual “should have” made proclamations of such changes in their positions and convictions but they intentionally did not, then, the conclusion we will draw is the opposite.

The second important factor I mentioned is PERSONAL WEAKNESS: nobody is perfect, we are all humans and it is only in our nature that we have flaws and shortcomings. We all (relatively) know what is acceptable and what is not, in our communal and individual lives, but, for some reasons, we all find ourselves indulging in some activities contrary to the “ideal” which we personally endorse too. Usually, we know that lying is bad and a sin in our religion (plus socially unacceptable), but, we have grown to internalize it as the world has continued to make it appear like something that is permissible, and hence, we have grown so used to it that we cannot imagine going a whole day without telling a lie; however little. There will always come a time when you realize that honesty is a virtue that should not be compromised for any reason, and so, you make a decision to always speak the truth, no matter how appealing and easy lying seems. Hence, you start to advice your friend and others against lying and vulgar speeches too. Definitely, change has happened and they have to look at you and ask if it’s really you saying that to them. Then, it happens that a particular event occurred where you “felt” compelled to “lie your way out”. Now, what comes of that? Of course, they will have to wonder “why lying is allowed for you but not them”, yeah, and that’s double-standards! What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, isn’t it? So, what makes it different in your instance?

We all battle some levels and forms of personal weaknesses, but, that shouldn’t stop us from preaching that which is ideal, should it? The fact that I’m still unable to arrive at that level of honesty that is ideal should discourage me from encouraging another to strive for it? Allah says in the Qur’an that the one who calls people to goodness without doing the same will be from among the people of hell: but, you will agree that there is a difference between someone who is merely rendering lip service and advocating all-round goodness that we need for a wonderful society just for the fame and so people wouldn’t pay much attention to the evils he perpetrates behind closed doors himself, and, that person who invites to good in hopes that it would further assist him in adopting the ideal lifestyle too, helping him to overcome the weaknesses of the flesh and live the admirable life he advocates too.

On a more subtle ground, I personally have this bad habit of using my right pinky finger to “settle” the itching in my nose or the accumulation of dust (and other external bodies) in there, which I definitely learnt in primary school is not socially acceptable (since we’re expected to get rid of filth of all kinds using our left hands), but till this moment, I still feel like my left hand just can’t “clean” it and cause me relief “enough”, so I still use that same finger my primary 6 class teacher rebuked me before the whole class for back then. Yeah, I know, that’s not such a nice thing to say about self, and it’s not like I’m actually proud of it of course, it’s just, you know, one of those things (as we say). And really, you wouldn’t tell me to not advise someone (anyone at all) against using the right hand to remove any form of “dirt” since that’s the social norm and dictate which I personally agree with, would you? So yeah, when you “unfortunately” catch me dipping my right finger in a nostril, would you say I’m being fake and living with a double-standard? 

Exactly! That is why we need to understand the importance of a person’s mindset and how well those “hidden” beliefs and convictions align with their outward behaviours and speeches, so that we know when some things are just habits born of compulsion which are difficult to change and avoid placing unfair judgments on their persons.

How Would we Know When Someone is Actually Living with Double-Standards?

It is true that we can only deal with that which is apparent as we cannot know what is hidden within every person’s heart, and as such, we can only make our value judgment based on what we see of a person’s speech and actions. However, it remains imperative upon us all to be very cautious in labeling people or thinking/speaking ill of them, as we would want people to accord us when we happen to be at the receiving end too: what goes around definitely comes around.

A teacher who would teach you in class and give you a note on the evils of examination malpractices but comes around to give you “chips” when you are writing your final exams lives with double-standards: it is wrong in theory but right in practice?

An organization which states in its constitution that all citizens are equal and everyone will be attended to on a basis of “first come first serve”, but would allow a rich man to jump a very long queue to get attended to “on arrival” does just that. Yes, that is exempting certain categories of people from an otherwise “general” rule: applying a rule unfairly to different groups of people and giving one group of people an undue advantage over the other.

A rule of queue proceeding in a hospital that allows a patient rushed in for emergency to immediately get attended to by the doctor cannot be said to be a manifestation of double-standards, on account of the patient’s severity of condition: this is a typical realization of the explanation provided above that “Applying different principles to similar-looking situations may or may not indicate a double standard.”

A married man who establishes strict laws guiding the conducts of his daughters to prevent them from leading wayward lives but goes about having illicit romantic and sexual relationships with young girls on sly: that’s double-standards! Aren’t those girls also some other persons’ daughters too?

Telling people it’s wrong to steal while you let me watch you sneak up on other’s properties without any bit of shame or remorseful conscience: that’s double-standards! What makes stealing different in practice and theory?

Confusing me as regards which to pick of your speech or deeds without making clarification as to what necessitates the deviations of your deeds from your speeches: that’s double-standards!

Making it a sin for a poor to legally win while you take pride in helping a rich steal his way to the trophy: that’s double-standards!

Jumping to conclusion when it comes to some certain people you “just don’t like” and lobbying for intangible excuses to exonerate some certain people you “prefer” is yet another manifestation of your double-standards! And yes, that is why you may be wrong in judging others as having double-standards: your very own shamefully shameless double-standards!

You hold people as guilty and convict them without fair hearing (or guiltless and acquainted for others) on certain ground rules, but, those rules no longer hold when it comes to you, your family, your friends, your bosses, your acquaintances, and other influential or significant others, and you display this distinction with no iota of restriction or shame. Such baseless discrimination and undue instability in your body of guiding principles is the real double-standards!