I remember that day, in my SS1, when the Further Maths teacher had asked the class a simple question in Standard Form… he had started by pointing at a random classmate who got it wrong, which made the teacher ask him to stand. Then, three more followed suit, disappointing the teacher and making him start to ask from the last person on the last seat on the last row, and asking the person after him and like that, till it got to me (I occupied the first seat on the front row because I was quite short). Before he got to me, I had the answer in my mind and I was confident of it, but, when he got to me, I said something else. Why?
He had passed the best students in my class, and, they had both said the same thing different from what I had in mind, which made me lose trust in my previous answer, because I believed “they can’t be wrong”, and so, when it was my turn, I said what they said and the teacher asked me to stand as well, till the whole class were now on their feet.
Annoyed, the teacher said the answer and rebuked us for being so unserious and disappointing him by not getting the simple question correctly, and right there, my heart dropped…
I was this gentle girl who never wanted to be different from “others”, I wanted to be just like them so that they would “accept” me, and no one would see as the “weird” type, and for that I did (or refused to do) very many number of things that I would otherwise have (not) done if I hadn’t been pressured to thinking I needed to be the same with everyone else to be “normal” and “okay”.
When I gained admission into the university, I never stood up in class to say anything, until and unless I am specifically called by a lecturer to do so (and most times, I would say “I don’t have anything to say about it, sir/ma). I had to feel that heartbreak and disappointment many times though: when there’s a discussion in class and a confident student presents an idea which everyone buys, making the lecturer ask if there’s any contrary opinion. I would be there, battling in my mind that I do not agree with the speaker, but, I would never find enough courage to raise my hand or open my mouth to say it out: I never want to be “different” from the crowd. And, everytime the lecturer says he believes in other than what was “unanimously agreed upon” by the class, and that s/he knows there’s someone amongst us who definitely disagrees but feel “afraid” to oppose an opinion that “everyone” seem to agree with, I would again feel disappointed with myself: you could have just talked”. But hey, I never did.
I shared a piece I wrote some time ago, “My Voice”, where I explained some things about why you should be bold enough to use it and how you stop being a coward to those abstract fears that only exist in your mind, and now, here is one of the topmost reasons why you should really step up and stop burying your potentials/restricting your growth: you may be right!
One of the strongest fears gnawing at your guts when you want to raise an opinion or thought no other person seem to be entertaining is: maybe you’re wrong after all, maybe nobody wants to hear it, maybe… and all of those “maybes” that only come down to telling you that you cannot be correct. The truth, however, is that you may be right, while others didn’t just have minds that work as fast and superbly as yours! That’s pretty for someone who has lived in doubts to believe, right? I know, I’ve been there, so, I know very much how it feels to be down there: even if I’ve been right all those times I had chosen to keep quiet and then regretted not being bold enough with my ideas, what if I get it wrong the very next time I try to stop being that coward and step up to say something? And then, people would laugh at me and think: no wonder she never says anything all this while.
In reality though, another part of your mind (which you usually refuse to listen to) tells you that “you may be right actually”, and, even if you are wrong, “it is okay, you will get it right some other time”, because “everyone falters”.
You might not have acknowledged it to yourself that the major reason for this “distrust” in your own self is the fact that you see life as too much competition which you don’t want to partake in, because, you feel you will not be able to deal with losing. When you search deep within your soul and finally come to terms with this truth, then,
Understand that Life isn’t a Competition: it doesn’t have to be all about “right and wrong” or “win or lose”, let life be lived to the fullest so that you enjoy the most of it as you ought to. You are on a solo journey, fighting your own battles, running your own race, and, you shouldn’t be too occupied with what is going on with other contestants or how far they have gone or how close they have come to you. Life is a lot more about contributions: everyone putting in their various bests, exchanging different perspectives, combining ideas or selecting from many available ones. A little competition may be very healthy and refreshing for growth, but, you need to do something before you start to take up competitions. And what is that thing?
Identify Yourself: know who you are and what you stand for, study yourself and understand most of what makes you your own person: your likes, your dislikes, your dreams, your goals: it’s okay for once, let it be all about “you” and not “others”. Identify the things that have made you into who you currently are, and, which of them needs to be addressed in other to make into who you want to be.
Love and Accept Yourself: whatever comes out of that study of “self” should be loved and appreciated, because, you are the first person who owes yourself those positive vibes before you can seek it from the outside world. Love the fact that you are your own person and that person has come this far. Even if you know there are some things that need to be changed, and rightly so, appreciate all of the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.
Trust Yourself: yes, this is just what comes next. Loving and accepting yourself doesn’t mean you should remain in that mud where you fell and got stuck in, no, it is appreciating the fact that you attempted a leap and fell, and then, loving and trusting yourself enough to rise again and get things right this time. You need to trust yourself before you can leave that spot you got stuck in. Let me share this beautiful quote I held on as I fought through my own insecurities too: if you can dream it, you can have it!
You are No Failure: you may fall yet again and again, and, I tell you, that’s just fine: Rome wasn’t built in a day, and so, you cannot change your own perception and all in a few days or even months. No matter what is happening, never think “I have failed again”. It is okay to wish you could speak up and be heard, it is okay to think “oh the chance I had to speak has passed”, and, that shouldn’t make you feel like you should give up on making yourself better. Go with this on this point: Winners never quit and Quitters never win!
Surround Yourself with Good People: yes, I know, this was supposed to be all about you, but, you know, no matter what we do for ourselves, if always finds a way of getting others involved, directly or indirectly. When I say good people, I mean, people who would understand the battle you’re struggling with and never put you down for failing to share an awesome idea, people you could start up a conversation with a shaky voice around and they wouldn’t laugh or belittle the effort, people you could rely on for external encouragement any day and everyday!
Loosen up, Lower your Guard: this is probably the hardest of all, but, you’ve just got to do it! Train yourself to accept criticism more positively, train your heart to appreciate corrections, open your mind to less than perfection. That is the only way to move away from that rigid point you stood, wanting to share only perfection, and thereby never willing sharing a beautiful opinion of yours: lower your guards!
Everybody makes Mistakes: we’ve probably heard that more times than any of us could remember counting, but really, who ever wants to be caught with a mistake? Who ever feels like: it’s okay, mistakes are cool? Maybe nobody after all. However, we have all learnt to suppress it to varying levels, and, that is what determines whether or not you speak up or not. Smile when you make a mistake, regardless of others’ opinions, because yes, you have finally made that awesome step!
Practice makes Perfect: oh yeah, we all know that. But you know, that practice itself requires that first step you’d take towards perfection, and not seeking perfection from the very onset? Yes, that is just what I’m saying. You could start up a discussion amongst your circle of friends, then progress to larger gatherings and pick up lessons from whatever they’re discussing. Then, share your opinion on it: even if you don’t feel it’s important or even necessary, so long as something comes to your mind about what’s on ground, then, let it out! Share it! Bless the world! You might be holding the answer to solving the whole puzzle, but, if you keep on holing tightly onto it, how do you confirm that?
It is Okay: anything that comes out of that is okay, good or bad, it is okay. Be glad that you tried, honestly. And, lastly,
You May be Right: keep that at the back of your mind. It’s not what you seek, but, you would feel much better knowing that your idea was welcome and appreciated! Like those many times I had regretted, I could have been right if only I had picked up the courage to speak up and share my opinions. However, on this note, don’t intend to make others feel small (that’s where you’ve been all along and you definitely don’t like that) or unwise, rather, present your idea in a manner of “what if…” presenting an alternative option to what is currently on ground. Even if they reject it, even if they don’t appreciate it, still believe that “you may be right”, and, that is good enough reason for you to “always” believe in yourself and your ideas!
Even now, as I’ve shared this ideas and opinions, I still feel that it probably isn’t worth it, that it probably wouldn’t be useful to anybody in any way, that I could be wrong in thinking this may help, but still, I decided to brace up and share it nonetheless, because, “I may be right”. When your ideas come next time too, and that voice tells you to shut up and keep it in, rebuke it and tell it instead: I may be right, and, that is enough reason for me to share it!
BarakaaLlahu feekum.
