PLACES YOU SHOULDN'T GO IN YOUR HEAD by Mubassirah Bint Solih

It is not strange to hear that quite a larger percentage of the world population lives with some sorts of poor self-concept, where it is believed that you are someone who is less important and less dignified than any and every other person walking the surface of the earth. All of these things are products of going places we ought not to go in our heads.
It is your head and your haven, yes, but, there are some places in there that ought be left shut and kept sealed immediately your cursor starts navigating in their directions. It is okay to not know how it begins, but, once you realize you have started to open those compartments, call back yourself and retrieve the lock. Where are these places?
The major reason you see yourself as “less” than every other person, you know it? It is the same “comparison” that you assume you cannot avoid completely, and it is from the compartment that houses the most dangerous of self-destructive instruments! Yes, it is only one of the numerous compartments in your head, but, it really is from amongst the places you shouldn’t go in. When you realize the importance of keeping some compartments out-of-bounds, are able to work successfully towards actualizing that goal, you will invariably be able to explore the other compartments that house the essential ingredients for a self-fulfilled life.
Until you get to that point where you are able to stop yourself from comparing yourself to any other person, wishing for another person’s life instead of the one you are living, admiring others and debasing yourself, seeing yourself as a failure beside every other person you seem to ever come across: talk of “the grass appears greener at the other end”, whereas, it is only reality that the grass isn’t greener at the other end, no matter how farther you look; it is only a product of your perspective.

That place in your head where comparisons stem from, where low self-esteem stems from, where self-hate or blame stems from, where dissatisfaction with your life stems from, where ingratitude stems from, among other things that contribute to stopping you from believing in yourself and aiming for the maximal attainment of your potentials are places that should be sealed off completely!
How do you Ensure you don’t go to these Places in your Head?
We have established that there are indeed places you shouldn’t go in your head, but, we might as well admit that it is not a feat that can be achieved in just a moment of decision; it is a process that requires our active dedication and involvement. Hence, I will be discussing six of the most important measures to implement in sealing off those places:

Know Yourself: this is a no-brainer, right? The major reason you cannot stop comparing yourself to others is that you do not “know” who you are and what makes you “YOU”. Hence, it is essential that you give yourself the chance at this awesome first step to realize your strengths and weaknesses, your hobbies and talents, your flares and pitfalls; just study yourself to identify your own uniqueness. It is expected that when you know the essential qualities that make up your unique self, you are able to avoid going to those places in your head that make you feel as if you are “all bad” or “low” as compared with everyone else.

Forgive and Accept Yourself: upon knowing who you are, it is essential that you accept what you find of yourself; the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. Wishing for some things to be different might be from among the worst thing you would be doing to yourself; while it is beautiful to seek to make necessary changes to make you better, it is even more important that you understand where the border stands in seeking improvement and sinking in self-disappointment. In the same vein, you need to forgive yourself for whatever you have done wrong previously, wrong decisions you have made for yourself; just let the ugly past go so that you can grasp the present in seeking a more fulfilling future. More than any other person, you need to forgive yourself and stop revisiting the chapters of your life where the flaws have become manifest to you and you have “changed”; this is from amongst what makes you assume that others have “clean” slates or at least “cleaner” slates as compared to yours, whereas, the only difference is that you know more about “you” than about “others”.
Do forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and accept yourself moving forward.

Focus on your Strengths and Address your Weaknesses: identifying the places you fall short in might be a great discouragement, right? Especially when every other person around seem to find it relatively “normal” to just do those things you cannot do. Now, you do not have to do that to yourself: everybody has their own talents and potentials, and, as a popular author said “the fish will live its entire life believing it’s stupid if we expect it to fly whilst it can do extraordinary in swimming”. So, you see? You’re probably not giving yourself enough chance to identify your strength, or, you downplay the areas you’re awesome at because you feel the people around you don’t appreciate your own type of talent. It doesn’t have to be so, I say it again. You need to focus on your strength in building yourself and your self-esteem, you need to trust that you’ve got elements of greatness and can break boundaries too… then, you need to address your weaknesses and get better at them in order to further boost your confidence! That is just the way to it! And that is why I refer you back to the first point: know yourself and appreciate what you find!

Keep a Beautiful Circle of Friends: this might come off as rather unnecessary, but, we all know that the times you have to explore those places in your head are especially those times you have to yourself, right? We are social animals and can never overemphasize the importance of friends and significant others in our individual lives. Here, I will emphasize that you make sure to keep friends who see greatness in you and believe in you, even when you don’t seem to believe in yourself, friends who would motivate you towards greatness, friends who would “force” you to stretch limits and reach for your true potentials, friends who would accept and appreciate you for who you really are.
Many of us get it wrong when it comes to choosing friends, well, because we failed in knowing our own selves and end up mixing with just about anybody who comes around with an offer of friendship. Now is the time to reconsider all of those whom you have around and see which and how many of them are really deserving of being called your friend: who cares about you enough to realize things about you that you don’t even tell them? Who cares about you enough to pick up a form in your name and dare you to not win, simply because they believe in the potentials that even you don’t see in yourself? Who cares enough about you to remain with you in your lowest moments and listen to you express yourself in rambles and breaks without pushing you for more details or judging your any wrong or mistake?
Do you have the kinds of friends who would ensure you keep open only those compartments in your head that will help your growth and developments, whilst making you rarely, if at all, go to those places that need to be shut off? Now is the time to make sure you roll with the right crowd!

Accept and Appreciate Compliments: it might be funny, but no, many of us find it rather difficult to accept compliments, and instead, we would rather believe these people are actually flattering or buttering us up. You know for yourself that it is true; how can you accept someone calling you great when you see yourself as the lowest of the lowest? Again, point one remains very essential in helping us to know our onions. Calm down and relax when someone throws a compliment your way, don’t just start going places in your head about how “anyone” would have done “better” than you did: the sky is wide enough for every bird to maintain their individuality, right? So, yes, the earth is wide enough for every one of us to maintain our individuality and do our own “best” in our various personal spheres. So, next time someone throws you a compliment, take it in, smile and appreciate it: it will really go a long way in making you believe you are really “capable”, and, you are encouraged to do better next time.

Have a Realistic Goal: finally, yeah? This will be a product of every other thing put in place; considering your interests, attitude, aptitude, talents, hobbies, likes, and dislikes, set an attainable goal for yourself. This will serve to give you a sense of direction and purpose in life, a sense of authority in your life, and a motivation to meaningful achievements. Having a realistic goal helps you to maximally plan your activities to make the most out of your time and resources, and as such, you tend to subconsciously seal out the doors that lead to those places you shouldn’t go in your head.
This should help you live better without the consistent nagging at the back of your mind from the insecurity that results from wandering through those places... try them out and welcome awesome changes in your psychological processes and emotional maturity.

5 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE by Mubassirah Bint Solih

It is unarguable that we all have some unpleasant things we condone in our lives, for and about ourselves as well as other people around us; despite knowing they are not good for us, we still go ahead to keep them nonetheless. It is true that some things should be managed and endured for us to help ourselves and others, but, there are definitely some things that should never have a place in our lives.
Here is a list of five things you should never have in your life:

Self-Doubt: this definitely tops the list as it remains the most dangerous of self-destructive tools, and hence, should never be condoned in any form. Self-doubt is a phenomenon that refers to the crazy thump in your chest, the nag in your head, the anxiety in your being, and all else that questions your ability to carry out a particular endeavour, and yes, it emanates from the self. Self-doubt is one of those things you don’t deserve and should never have, because, it remains the root of failure and dissatisfaction: no matter how far you go, you will never see the good in yourself, and, no matter how much people believe in you, you will never believe in yourself, and so, you will never feel the joy of fulfillment or have the courage to ever take on great steps.
Have you ever heard the line: whatever it is, don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you do not deserve what you want? If you have never, now you have, and, that is telling you in plain terms to always go for what you want, no matter how “big” you think it is; if you can do the work, you can have the pay! Also, remember that “whatever you can see in your mind, you can have in your hands”, so, now you know you can shoot for the moon, right?
Don’t just shoot though, believe you can really get there! That is the whole essence of this: strip yourself of those nagging demons that rise everywhere in your head whenever you set out on a beautiful course, take them far away from you for they don’t have a place in your life… trust and believe in yourself!

Self-Blame: this is yet another destructive instrument that should never have a place in your life, and still, many of us are unable to find our ways around it. First off, know that you are only human and as such, are liable to making mistakes, like any and everyone else. Everyone you see has done some things in the past that they wish they either hadn’t done at all or done the way they did it, made some choices they wish could be undone, gone places they wish they never went… the list is endless as to the extent of the unavoidability of making some wrong decisions as humans: I tell you again, it is perfectly normal!
Self-blame forces you to wallow in regrets with all the accusatory daggers pointing at just you as responsible for your own misery, and, it makes you feel like you do not deserve forgiveness or any good: does that ring a bell with you?
If it does, then, you definitely know it is not something that should be allowed to stay with you, in any form at all. You should always be willing to take responsibility for whatever wrongs you commit, but, that should be all; never more! Taking responsibility for your fault is admitting that you are wrong and taking steps towards redemption: but, self-blame only keeps you feeling guilty and evil, ensuring you always feel bad about yourself and never attempt to reach for your dreams again; which is very unfair to you, right?
The point here is FORGIVENESS! Forgive yourself for all the bad you’ve committed, forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, forgive yourself for all the imperfections you’ve gathered over the years, forgive yourself for all the points where your stick falls short, forgive yourself for all the emotions you’ve wasted on people who never returned them, forgive yourself for all the time you’ve wasted, forgive yourself for everything, for only then will you be able to really move on and away from the clutches of the shadows of the past, only then will you be able to see the good in you and seek to bless the world with its manifestations.
You were wrong, but, you are not evil… never forget that!

Unattainable Goals: it is beautiful to dream high and beautiful, and, it is very much encouraged. However, there is a limit to everything: remember you’re only human and can only do just as much you can do.
Your goals should be set based on your abilities, interests, passion, aptitude, attitude, and values; all of these combine to help you set realistic and self-motivating goals, as much as you want. Otherwise, you set the bar too high for yourself, chasing dreams way out of your league, and having goals that are not attainable for your person. This is usually a product of inadequate knowledge of self, coupled with overwhelming feeling of envy for others, pressure from family and significant others, prejudice of the society towards certain professions and goals, among others: you set your standards based on the perceptions and achievements of others, neglecting the most important element in the actualization of your set goals; which is YOU.
The outcome of having unachievable goals do not need to be listed, we all know the feeling of emptiness and worthlessness that comes with “failure”, whether or not it was deserved or not. Yes, I stated earlier that you deserve whatever it is that you want and are ready to work for, and, this is not negating that in any way, it is only adding a key factor, which is “adequate knowledge of self” in setting the bar for yourself.
Many students dream of being medical doctors, and that is really beautiful and achievable, but, you will agree with me that it needs to come with the right prerequisites: a student who gets scared at the sight of blood would never do well as a medical student, would he? Just as a student who hates mathematics and knows he is deficient in it should never dream of being an accountant, and, a student who is naturally quiet and lacks vigour to argue his points in the face of opposition should not dream of being a lawyer… does that clarify the point for us? It is not saying to not dream big, it is saying to dream big as appropriate for you!
This point would leave us yet again with the saying: the fish would live its entire life believing it is stupid if its ability is tested with flying instead of swimming: know your potentials and seek to maximally harness them correctly! Don’t set your trap wrong and then blame its inability to catch the right animals on something else: set it right!

Unhealthy Competition: now, this is yet another major setback that many of us have found ourselves fully immersed in, which should never have been in our lives at all. Competitions are healthy when they push you towards betterment, and they become unhealthy when they push you towards hate and insecurity.
It is always beautiful to put yourself beside others and see how you measure up, so that you can identify what makes them better and you can improve yourself, for yourself. However, the world has gone far away from that, and competitions now work to only incite rage against your “rivals” and insecurity about your own footings: this should never be allowed to settle, and, if it already has, now is the time to discard it!
Life is not about who is better at it, it shouldn’t be, life is supposed to be about what ways you can contribute to make things better for yourself and others, and, that would allow everybody the freedom to contribute their own best in their different unique ways. This is to tell you to stop comparing yourself to others in order to find accomplishment; do what you enjoy doing and always improve yourself in it! Find joy in giving what you can rather than in giving what another person cannot: we have different gifts and potentials, and, we should be allowed to explore our individuality maximally.
Unhealthy competition hinders growth, and, it should never have a place in your beautiful life; okay?
Even if no other person sees it, you are great in your own sphere, so long as it gives you gladness and contentment!

Toxic Relationships: this does not refer only to relationships where your life is threatened, it refers to any and every relationship that does not allow you the freedom to be the best you can be; psychologically, socially, emotionally, academically, vocationally, and even physically. Toxic relationships are usually results of our willingness to accept and adore anyone at all who offers us friendship, whether or not our views on life and dreams align or not: we do not know the importance of companionship, and so, we allow anybody in.
This is not to say that you should not appreciate everybody who is willing to be your friend, of course, it is saying that you should know the limits to set with every single one of them, depending on how compatible you are on different levels. On the other end of the same branch, this is to tell you that you deserve every good life has got to offer, and even though you wouldn’t be taking anyone for granted, you should never feel as though a particular person’s presence in your life is a favour or a sacrifice on their part, which would then force you to always be willing to do anything to keep them: that is unfair to your good nature, and, you should not do it!
Toxic relationships should not have a place in your life, you should never keep them no matter what! This point emphasizes your ASSERTIVENESS! You should never be forced to say “YES” when you have to say “NO”; be bold enough to stand for yourself how and when you should. If there is a friend you have who never encourages your dream, motivate you towards getting better, compliment your good nature, runs you down in public or private, belittles your sacrifices and accomplishments, tells you to not go after what you want for they believe you cannot get it: you know a bad friend when you see one, and, you should love yourself enough to put garbage in its rightful place; no offense.
You have enough anxiety and insecurity to deal with on your own, and, the people around you should never be compounding that: they would like you to view things from the many possible perspectives, and that’s okay, but, you can tell the difference when someone is telling you “be wise” as advice and “be wise” as insult. This requires some level of maturity too, to know when you should leave the table where respect is no longer being served. No matter who they are, no matter how high and mighty they are, they have no business running you down if they are indeed who you think they are to you.
Get it straight and set it right.
These five things should definitely have no place in your life, and, if you are already accommodating them, for your own good and sanity, show them to their rightful place.

Mubassirah Bint Solih