I write this because it came to me as a rather rude shock to hear some people’s responses to plights of female divorcees: yes, they are the ones I refer to as “despised pearls” in this article, and, they are, aren’t they?
It is never anyone’s dream or wish that their plans for a forever sweet love turns sour for whatever reason, divorce is never envisaged at the beginning of a marriage, and, nobody works actively towards its happening. Life just always happens, we cannot always get just what we want how we want when we want it, and, it is part of the articles of our faith that we believe and accept Qadar (predestination) and whatever comes with it, whether good or bad. Allah says in Q4:78:
"...And if some good reaches them, they say, 'This is from Allah,' but if some evil befalls them, they say, 'This is from you (O Muhammad SAW).' Say: 'All things are from Allah,' so what is wrong with these people that they fail to understand any word?"
People of the world tend to blame the woman for a failed marriage most times (as I have seen in relatively many scenarios), and without having or caring for facts and details actually: the woman always has to bear the brunt of the plank! The simple thing to say here is: it takes two to tango!
Yes, it takes two to start a marriage, it takes two to make a marriage work, and, definitely, it takes two to make a marriage fail! It is never solely the responsibility of a partner to make it work, so, it shouldn’t be the fault of a single individual that it doesn’t work out. I know, circumstances would surround the event of Qadar, what I am saying is, it is not the fault of one single person!
Most people would advise any woman to remain in her marriage amidst all odds, especially when children are involved, and, especially because it would be harder for her to remarry; so, why not remain there and keep managing? No matter what the man does! Okay, in a purely Islamic setting, a man wouldn’t intentionally cheat or treat his wife wrongly, alhamduliLlah. However, we still can never get rid of the issues arising from personality differences, emotional incompatibility, and other such factors that give rise to problems in a marriage, and, honestly, it is better to walk out alive if the differences are such that they can no longer be managed correctly by the couple.
We leave the reason for the divorce (it is usually just “unimportant”), and focus on the single fact that the woman got divorced (yes, because what is important to our people is that she has failed in a marriage!). SubhanaLlah! We don’t even pay mind to the fact that divorce is a situation that could actually mar a woman’s psychological and emotional wellness for the rest of her life, so, we still make things worse for her by rubbing that “hard luck” on her face all the chance we get, and it’s so ironically funny that we think we are helping her to “get back her senses” and realize how “stupid” of a decision it was that she made by allowing her husband divorce her.
We need to fear Allah in all of our dealings, brethren, waLlohi, we need to. If you cannot make a person’s situation better, should you then make it worse? Is your luck by your power or His grace? Dare you to challenge Allah to afflict you with that trial if indeed it is true that you can prevent a divorce by just being good and “sensible”? We all know that things will always just go as Allah wants them, we can only always pray to Allah to help us remain better spouses as we intend, and prevent the Shaytan from gaining entry into our matrimonial affairs. Otherwise…
It may not be the case with every woman, so, let us all just forgo the “underlying cause” and help them pick themselves and set right their affairs however we can. Always remember that Allah could test you with the very situation you mock a person with, and, He could save you from it for assisting a person in the situation, so, which would you choose?
To every divorcee who gets to see this piece: I ask that you only go with the lessons from your previous marriage(s) and refuse to dwell in the hurts of the past. If it was majorly your fault, alhamduliLlah you have realized that and can make better choices for future marriage; may Allah make it easy and most beneficial to you, aameen. If you were cheated, know that your Lord is enough a protector and His aid is sought; may He reward your patience and bless you with a greater goodness, aameen.
I will leave you with the verse of Allah which says:
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' need, All-Wise". (Surah An-Nisa, Verse 130).
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