MY PRIDE IN SUBMISSION by Mubassirah Bint Solih

Sequel to that piece...
Does anyone remember the questions I ended the previous part (How Much I Hated Being a Woman) with?
If feminism is aimed at making women better and more self-confident, why has “man” being made the standard for measuring the power of a woman? After everything, have we (women) being able to find the equality we have been fighting decades for and derive joy in it? And, personally, how did I come to realize the truth about feminism so that I could stop hating my nature and appreciate it instead?
Feminism has gained so much popularity, especially among the womenfolk, in the last few decades, and well, many of us subscribe to some of their subtle ideologies, even if we don’t actually come out to proclaim that label before the world. We all know why that movement is selling so fast? It is because we are gullible and ignorant! These people know it, they know how much we love to “blind-follow”, seeing whatever comes from “there” without subjecting it to our mental assessment on the logical scale, so long as it appeals to our emotions.

On a neutral ground, let us subject the concept of feminism to a sincere analysis and see if our claims on it being to attain equality will come out true and praiseworthy.
I never researched the roots of feminism before deciding it was just the “home” I had long craved; it presented me a chance to fight against the cultural inequalities and rigid gender roles, which I grew up despising. However, I had to be quiet and nurse my ambition in silence, waiting for the time when I’ll finally be able to “confront” everyone about how evil their oppression was on the girl child.

The first time I came across the word “feminism” was in a book about rape. I had so much interest in sexual abuse and violence, because it was a menace that we were not allowed to discuss in “real life”, despite the fact that we could all see “some girl who got molested by some man”, and, I needed to know why it was just “us” who get to bear the hurt in silence. It felt really unfair that we couldn’t talk either, pretending that it was not actually happening right beside us. The depth of my hatred for men was what I lived on for more than 12 solid years; none of them could be trusted, not even my own family! There was no way I could share those thoughts with anyone around, so, I searched for answers in books, and yes, I eventually found it. Reading that first book helped me to understand the “animalistic” instincts in “men”, how much women have suffered for ages at the hands of men, and finally, it gave me the hope that “we” can all unite to put a stop to those “oppressions”, as our “foremothers” have fought their way through them in the past, paving the path for us. It was indeed beautiful to know that I wasn’t crazy after all: these were women who shared my dreams! We have to put men in their rightful place!

I started to nurture my dreams, and, I would never submit to any man, not even if my life depended on it! I found two of the websites that were exclusively for feminists and subscribed to them, so that I could actively follow everything and add my voice to make a “change”, in the virtual world. My life’s greatest goal was to stand up for every oppressed woman, and, in so doing, I had to see every man as a “potential molester”, who can only be subdued when we have “more” power. That was all I knew that got me started on that path…
Feminism began as a movement in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, in America, with her 1st wave having the major goal of overturning legal inequalities, focusing particularly on issues of women’s suffrage. The second wave targeted resolving cultural inequalities, gender norms, and roles of women in the society, in order to protect the dignity, intelligence and basic human potential of the female sex. On the sexuality and reproduction rights, feminists thrashed the “Miss America Pageant”, adjudging it as a quest to make women objects of beauty dominated by a patriarchy that fought to keep them in the homes or in dull low-paying jobs.

Martha Rampton, a professor of history and director of the center for Gender Equity at Pacific University, explained that the third wave of feminism, which I (and many of us in this generation) was introduced to, destabilized many constructs, including notions of “universal womanhood”, body, gender, sexuality and heteronormativity. An aspect of the third wave feminism that mystified the mothers of the earlier feminist movement was the re-adoption of the very lip-stick, high-heels, and cleavage proudly exposed by low cut necklines that the first two phases of the movement identified with male oppression.

This must be something a lot of us do not know: the current wave of feminism which prides in “wanton display” of females opposes the “ideal liberation” fought for by the people who pushed “feminism” to the forefront, which they believed was “objectifying the woman as a beauty”, and by extension “a sex symbol”. The very ideology we felt was beautiful, giving us “freedom” to appear to the world in whatever we wanted as men have, regardless of the differences there existed in our “anatomies” and “physiologies”. Martha Rampton continues to say that, indeed, the third wave feminism breaks boundaries, arguing that we do not need “feminism” anymore, as they pushed back against their “mothers” (with grudging gratitude) the way children push away from their parents in order to achieve the much needed independence. This wave supports equal rights, but does not have a term like feminism to articulate that notion.

At this point, I was going to say that the third wave of feminism combat the first two and subdued them, with the emergence of the fourth wave of feminism still being a captivating silhouette, but, Martha proceeds to say this is not so. In her words: “the second wave of feminism ought not to be characterized as having failed, nor was glitter all that it generated. Quite the contrary; many goals of the second wave were met: more women in positions of leadership, in higher education, business and politics, abortion rights, access to the pill that increased women’s control over their bodies, more expression and acceptance of female sexuality, general public awareness of the concept of and need for the “rights of women” (though not fully achieved), a solid academic field in feminism, gender and sexuality studies, greater access to education, organizations and legislation for the protection of battered women, women’s support groups and organizations (like NOW and AAUW; both of which I was a member of), an industry in the publication of books by and about women/feminism, public forums for the discussion of women’s rights, and a societal discourse at the popular level about women’s suppression, efforts for reform, and a critique of patriarchy…”
While we may have wanted to agree that the “goals” of the first and second wavers “made sense” and really sought to protect the rights of women, the actualization of these goals in the time of the fourth wavers prove it otherwise; having women in leadership positions, legalizing abortion, provision of pills that allows a woman to fornicate endlessly without fears of getting pregnant or seeing sex as a “duty” to the man rather than a “pleasure”, freedom to express and explore her “sexuality” without fears… the list is endless after all. So, where is the sense?
It is recognized that women are being cheated by men, and, we need to seek “liberation”. However, is this the liberation we need? This one pushed for through feminism?
I never had the luxury of weighing those options until I stopped being a feminist: I realized the hypocrisy along the way, I got tired of always living in competition with a demon I cannot even see, I accepted the truth of what I lacked and what I had, and, I learnt to appreciate those truths.

“Men are not your enemies as feminism presents it to you” was a thought that hit my mind one fateful day as I wondered how far is the time when I will be able to stand to the world and admit my beliefs to them without fear or shame, reflecting on how it is always “us” and “them”. I know a few really nice men outside of my family, but, my thought used to be that they all want one thing when they’re nice that way: lol, you know what.
Every single time I hear of a new rape case, my heart breaks and it feels like I have failed in my mission, and men are only being the animals they actually really are. Then, came that day I heard of the rape case of a young man… words cannot explain correctly how I felt that day. I had to go on Facebook and express my shock: of course, I had no “courage” using the word “feminism” since nobody around me was using it. Long story cut short, that was the incidence that brought me closest to the truth.
Learning about Sunnah really helped, not in a little way, because, only then did I get the full picture: this is where we ought have come from the very beginning! Islam is where we can get our full rights in the right ways, without having to risk anything. Dare I start on how much this liberty to showcase cleavages has destroyed our “protection” and furnished the very problem of sexual assaults which we seek to solve through feminism? We try to kill a demon by snatching its egg which will grow into an even more dangerous demon?

The truth always has its way with our hearts, such that, if you are really honest, you wouldn’t be able to deny it: that was just what happened with me. AlhamduliLlah. It was easy for me to get the relationship and unveil the truth I had stayed blinded to all along: feminism is a hoarse, the inconsistency in the values and goals is more than enough reason for us to question its credibility after all. Islam ensures legal equity, erases cultural inequality, clarifies gender norms, and ensure that you get the respect due to you as a woman, in every situation.
Feminism is no place for any sane woman to be: how could you enjoy being a pseudo-man when you can proudly be an awesome woman? Well, pseudo because you can never be a man no matter how hard you try; physically, socially, psychologically, emotionally. You may want to argue that you’re not trying to be a man, but, I’ll ask: when you take up the job of a man in an effort to show him that you can do it “too”, what is that you are doing? Cross-carpeting? It is high time we all searched deep within our souls to unlock the truth: feminism asks that we fight against “nature” and not just against “men”.

Nature is how Allah made it, nature is what made it “us” who will carry pregnancies and deliver babies, nature is what made it “us” who will be fitnah for “them” and need to be covered, nature is what made it “us” who are easily emotionally and thus need to have “them” as leaders, nature is what made it “them” who will work and foot the bills, nature is what made it “us” who need to be submissive to “them”. So, who is kidding who in seeking to establish “equality” that nature didn’t make?
It is Islam that teaches you to respect yourself, starting from honouring your body by concealing it from the gaze of every “interested” stray pair of eyes, then, admitting the weakness in the nature of men which necessitates the various rulings regarding intermingling, casual body contacts, listening to lewd music, watching movies, and the likes. It is Islam that teaches you to respect yourself by not taking up more than you can naturally handle as the “weaker” gender: now, that’s not a shame, is it? It used to be, but, not anymore! Now, I know better, and, I believe you know better too.
It means the world to me that Allah blessed me with the opportunity to really realize the truth before it was too late, so that I can take pride in my rightful place and fair distribution of roles laid down by nature, so that I can finally realize the beauty I had long ignored from among the beauties of being a woman, so that I can respect the place of a man as my rightful “protector”, so that I can stop the self-hate that radiated from the hypocrisy in my environment, so that I can accept the truth: that “evil does not have a gender” and, I can finally find my pride in submission.
In case you still doubt, feminism actually makes you question the “ordainments” of your Lord, which you are supposed to submit to without question. One of my most favorite verses of the Qur’an, which makes my mother now call me NFA and lazy, is: Q4:24, where Allah says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them excel the other, and, because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and their husbands)…”

Let me share the poem I wrote with this title; quite long ago though…
Nature… My Pride in Submission (Poem)
Living in competition with nature,
Like there's nothing greater in pleasure.
In a bid to achieve false equality,
We rise to challenge all that's worthy.
What a man can do, I believed,
A woman MUST do better!
Hot tears I shed when I lose to a man,
Feeling I had failed entirely as a woman!
Then came realization of my uniqueness,
Designated by my Lord, All-wise.
Reading stories of great men gone past,
Extolling the role of virtuous mothers!
Indeed, what greater honour to womanhood,
Than raising heroes from cradle?
Nay, we seek recognition in equality,
But we lose the natural respite offered in dignity!

Finally, my heart found peace,
Filled with pride upon knowing my true purpose.
And now I say, what a man can do,
With a woman, he does much better!
Allah says in Q24:51, “The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to Allah and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: “We hear and we obey.” And such are the prosperous ones.”
May Allah make us from among the prosperous ones: Aameen.