RIGHT BESIDE YOU by Mubassirah Bint Solih

When you look around you, people are the most likely beings you’d see… maybe many familiar faces, a few unfamiliar and strange ones… maybe people you have at one point or the other exchanged a smile, a few words, a hug, a long chat, and maybe even much deeper and lengthier conversations… so many people with whom we have varying degrees of fondness and attachment are the people right beside us… those people right beside you…
We all have issues in our lives, unresolved conflicts, unattained goals, unachieved dreams, problematic friendships and relationships, we all have it… however, like I always say; we have different thresholds for pains, different reflex responses to pain, different defense and survival mechanism; we are all so different and can never go through the same amount of pain and suffering exactly the same way…
However, it is really sad that our phones and social media has further impeded us from really seeing those right beside us… we are much more concerned about our virtual family over the net and behind the screen, so much that those who really mean most to us and look forward to us always been there get less of our attention and feel unwanted. 

How often do you think about the problems in your life? Maybe less than you normally would if you did not have a phone, right? We get the chances to laugh away our problems once we establish a beautiful bond online and surf the net for various news and updates, but, do we pay any mind to the fact that for every minute we spend online, we are denying a person in our reality the chance to even have the courage to step up to us and try to discuss the events of their lives with us?
Yes, we’ve all got some things gone wrong, we’ve got events we’d rather forget we ever experienced, we’ve all got some ups and delicate downs that we long for ways to get out of their entangling grips and shackles… all of us, yes, and every individual walking the surface of the earth, without exemption of our loved ones.

Ever pondered extensively on why they call man a social animal?
We need one another… people in that virtual world also have people in their lives they probably are ignoring just to be with you too, or, maybe not… however, it is beautiful to be able to establish great friendships over the net, but, it is much more beautiful to be able to adequately manage both worlds without comprising the more vital of the two for the more pleasurable virtual one.
You are unique as your person, but, you are like every and any other person as human on many more levels; all people you deal with have feelings and emotions too, they have strengths and weaknesses too, they have dreams and aspirations too, they have goals and preferences too, they take steps and fall with wounds too… they are just like you in those many ways and more… they have needs, like you, for someone to listen to them without reservation or fear of judgement, they need someone who’d always just be there for and with them through the difficult steps and harsh blows of life, they need someone on whose shoulders they could rest and cry on without feeling shame at all, they need someone who’d hold their hands and tell them to keep their heads up high because they remind them that their Lord is ever-ready to forgive and welcome them, they need someone who’d always strive to keep them happy and conscious of Allah, they need you, just how you need them… invariably, we have forsaken so much of what is important, in chase of the abstract world that could as well be a lie, we have chosen to all live with false dreams and lead fake lives, immersed in that which does more than a little to destroy our dignity and religion, we have chosen to step up a bit and leave behind those that matter most to us.

It is really sad to admit that almost everyone has fallen victim of this… social media is our solace, it is our diary, it is our mouthpiece, it is our most trusted pal… social media remains one of the major means of increasing frustration in individuals’ lives and pushing them towards depression, before finally leading them to that wonderfully awful gate that will be closed by themselves on themselves to fall eternally into the pit of a blazing fire, yes, the menace that has suddenly grown like a rave and become the “easy way out” for most people… Suicide!
No matter what we say or do, no matter how many intellectual and moral reasons are provided for why we shouldn’t go near suicide or consider it an escape route, it will still only just continue to “make sense” without “making changes” if we still continue to live and lead our lives this way.

Is there a way someone who is considering suicide wouldn’t have some fears and anxieties? No, there isn’t… pains blind us so much to the truth that all of the light in our eyes seek for a hole to crawl out through… now, we all have cool great friends, people other people identify us with, people we’re supposedly super cool with, right? Hmm… there are a number of people who actually don’t, “awon solo gang”, yeah, life has taught them to be just enough for themselves without seeking understanding or acceptance from anyone, propelling themselves as self-sufficient and in no need of any other person. It becomes our responsibility to help this category of people out of their shells too, teaching them to trust in friendships and relationships… but, how do we do that? When we have people who are great sociable people with quite a handful of close pals and associate commit suicide without anyone of these people suspecting anything? Why? Because friendship has been established as fake in the first place: we call ourselves friends but cannot trust one another, we bottle our emotions and clutch them desperately to our hearts, we cannot let our guards down before anyone, we feel people should only see smiles on our faces and never know that we are humans who feel down and shed tears too… how much worse could the plight get?

Depression is real; we all know this, yes, and, how have we been trying to help this situation? Help people out of their depression aside posting “suicide is not an option” everywhere? How are we trying to prevent people from getting depressed? How have we actively encouraged the  people suffering right beside us to continue fighting and living with their battles to succeed in the end? How many of us actually make time out for our loved ones? Even without anything “important” to discuss, just sitting together, making jokes, reminding ourselves of Allah and His promise of Jannah, reminding ourselves of His assurance of rewards for the servant who remains firm and patient upon trials in this world, reminding ourselves of the verse “verily, after hardship comes ease”, reminding ourselves that bad and tough times wouldn’t last forever, reminding ourselves of the magnificent view that await us in the end… how many of us will actually pick up the phone and put a call through to our “significant others” who are not too close by? How many of us will actually smile whenever we see a troubled friend or family of ours? How many us ever try to help our “significant others” to talk to us about even their innermost and deeply buried fears and insecurities without any fear of judgement or mockery or lack of confidentiality?
We tend to give a lot to distant people, establishing closer bonds with them and forgetting our real and most guaranteed affiliations… we worry so much about appearing “uncaring” to people other than those we truly sincerely love, we forget these people more often than not, we smile at distant uncertainties and refuse to see the tears shed right beside us…

Depression is on an alarming increase; a group assignment I had to present revealed such alarming reality (WHO submitted that over 300million people are living with depression; 80,000 people commit suicide annually, and that amount is just about 20% of those who actually attempt suicide yearly)…how will a person be able to go through with suicide if the people who really matter had really tried to matter for real? If nothing else, he would definitely have let something about his pain or his lack of will and strength to go on with the fight, he definitely would have let someone in on those plans of his, and, if nothing else, that person would have been able to help him in so many different ways; but, now, what do we have? Everybody is an advocate against suicide and depression only over social media! Yes, that’s why you will wake up to the shocking news of a suicide case involving a very close friend/family with whom you had only just talked and talked till probably late hours into the previous night, maybe someone who is always sharing posts and write-ups about why and how we have to hold on to the rope of hope and life and never give up on the mercy of our Lord… the most unexpected people have committed suicide and left the world without a chance to return and atone for their mistakes: death marks the end of available options at making corrections or amendments! There is only one path after the soul departs from a body: that which leads to judgement before the final destination (one out of two) is assigned to one… now, think about it: is suicide really an escape?

Right beside you, someone is tired of the challenges life keeps throwing at him and is contemplating giving it all up, expecting (probably subconsciously and without even admitting to himself that) someone should see the inner pains, sufferings and struggles, and even if they wouldn’t be able to help, they should just be able to remind them of the promise of hope and light at some end of the tunnel, that they should just come out and hug them tight and tell them to  remain faithful and trusting of the unknown which hides a more beautiful chance at life… however, where are those people right beside you? What do you “know” (not think) is going on in their lives? How do you know they are handling it? How do you know they are holding onto the rope of hope and trust that it will all be over someday and they’re gonna be okay? How do you know they are not even fed up of dealing with their problems and having to force themselves to keep smiling so you wouldn’t see the pains and tears they have carefully kept buried and don’t want the world (including you who happen to right beside them; subhanaLlah!) to see? How much do you honestly know and care about these people who are right beside you? How much do you care?