TEACH BEFORE CONDEMNING by Mubassirah Bint Solih

Neither of the two concepts is strange or requiring clarification; we must have all used those words at one point or the other.

It is no news that we all find it extremely easy to show our disdain for other people’s actions, speech, or even their persons in total. We hardly ever show restrain in condemning what we “feel” is inappropriate, unacceptable, wrong, or just not pleasing to us.
Condemnation has really become extremely popular due to the fact that many of us don’t understand the difference condemnation and correction. Funny enough, most of us opt for “constructive criticism” while not understanding any bit of what actually makes a criticism constructive.
Correction is to inform someone of their errors, while, condemnation is to scold sharply, to adjudge as unfit or of poor quality, invalid, unreliable, immoral, or illegal; with synonym being the word damnation. While correction is done with obvious good manners in order to invite someone to goodness by making them aware of their errors, condemnation on the other hand seeks to belittle and malign the individual (or object) by elaborating such faults (which is no longer seen as error, as it is believed during correction that the person is involved in that incorrect behavior due to ignorance).
I believe it is now clear to us the difference between correcting and condemning…
The manner in which our words are spoken/written, as well what those words exactly are, are both important factors in determining whether or not we are correcting or condemning. It is essential that we bear it in mind in both instances that what we want is to actually influence the other person towards making positive changes, so that we may have rewards for wanting better for our fellow human and making the world better for humanity as a whole.
Then, everybody is deserving of excuses: before you conclude on anything based on your observations from one or more things from a particular person, try to analyze all possible good reasons they may have to do such, as this will help you to keep them in a good light while you offer your correction.

Now, correction could be said to be a form of teaching: yes, letting someone know what (you believe) they do not know or reminding them what they have forgotten, in order to make them aware of their errors, which will then drive them willfully towards making corrective changes. Teaching is to correct/prevent the evils of ignorance, isn’t it? And, that is just what correction seeks to do!
Now, if we have offered correction countless times, and we are sure there is no restricting factor or circumstance that could be “forcing” the other person towards keeping up the attitudes or traits we have warned against, then, that is the only time we are allowed to give our constructive criticism, or outright condemnation for their heedlessness: note, this is also with a good mind, with hopes that the condemnation would push them towards retracing their steps in order to get back in the good books of people. Yes, you may not want to agree, but, there are times when condemnation is the best shot and option to correct a particular person/group/situations. All it requires is that we have adequate knowledge of the person(s) and situation(s) before opting for whichever.
Correction is done in secret, usually, because it saves the one who is being corrected from losing face before others (which might as well be a reason, though unworthy, for such individual to remain stubborn and heedless upon their errors, because they do not want to be ridiculed or mocked by other people who were present: truth is, nobody wants to be made a laughing stock, or showcased as an ignorant, but, it is just as true that nobody knows it all, and, at one point or the other, we will make mistakes and require correction), and with good words that soothe the heart of the one whose fault is being exposed to him, so that it is easy for him to humbly admit such faults and seek to make amends in whatever way possible. After this fails to yield positive change, and, for the love we have for such individual, we may approach person(s) we believe are closer and more respectable to the individual, still in good manners, to address the issue as well.

On the other hand, condemnation comes after several secret corrections and acquaintance counsels have been attempted and the individual chooses to remain heedless upon his manifest (or even latent) errors, in order to make the people he is trying to impress (by not admitting he is human who is susceptible to errors and making corrections) fully aware of his heedlessness upon wrong, so that they are aware of this fact and the individual is then forced to change his stance and admit his fault in order to regain his dignity and respect from the people, who would also start seeing him as an heedless and prideful individual who finds it difficult to admit his faults or make the corrections known.
Upon clarifying the relationship between the three beautiful concept, we may then ask: do we ever try to teach and correct before we condemn others? Take the instance of a lady (well, because, it is relatively more rampant among the womenfolk) who becomes aware of a specific pitfall of another, and then, in another situation hears people praising the other lady like she is faultless. Sure, your guess is as good as any: she would take pride in narrating that one shortcoming she knows about her in order to taint her image and lower the love and respect the other ladies have for her. It becomes a worse case when none of these people who have been informed sees it necessary to approach the lady in question in a good manner in order to confirm her side of the story, or understand the reason behind whatever evil it is they have become aware of, but rather, they take further pride in spreading such information about her, until, Allah saves us from such, her reputation is totally soiled before all people.

How many at times do we seek to confirm information before passing them around, yes, especially derogatory ones? How many times in many do we even think of giving this person an excuse as we would want to be done to us, before we pass a judgment on them for being bad?
It is rather common on our campuses… a friend told you that she lost her money and doesn’t have a penny to eat it. God so good, you had some change to spare, so, you gave her. Few minutes later, you saw her at a boutique purchasing some classy wears. Then, you shake your head and think “I’ve always suspected her to be a liar!” With no delay, the poor lady has been condemned with the badge of a liar, and, God help her if she ever tries to deny the allegation! You get to your circle of friends and narrate the story and they all agree to your assumption. Wow! None of you could even imagine that she was probably sent by someone? Or, there was an important reason for her to have done such? And, none of you could approach her in a good manner to hear her side of the story? Heaven help her if she ever opens her mouth to ask you for money again, or, a sum of money gets missing in your hostel: she is the prime suspect! SubhanaLlah! This is really so disheartening… we shouldn’t be doing this to one another!
There is another instance: Lady A told lady B that this lady C is a runs-girl, lady B claimed to not believe, so, lady A tells her to meet her a place A at time A, and, she agrees. True to their arrangement, they met there and saw lady C entering a car and getting driven off. Lady B claps her hand and exclaim “Hey! So, it is true! Wonders shall never end! And she will forming ‘na me holy pass’. At that, lady A shakes her head with a “I told you” look. Woe betide that young lady the next time she tries to advise them on sexual purity or any such, if at all they did not even turn their “realization” to the hottest story on campus. You may think: that is an obvious case nah. Really? you do not think the owner of that car may be her father? Or brother? Or even a female friend? Even if at all Lady A’s assumption was right, couldn’t she have called lady C’s attention to it and asked politely the reason she is engaging in such, so they could if they could be of help in changing her for the better? Isn’t that correction? Isn’t that what is beneficial to be done? What does their condemnation and story telling benefit anyone?
It is high time we realize our purpose in this life and get serious with it, sisters. When you notice anything wrong in anyone, try to call their attention to it a polite and good manner, and, help them to understand their faults in a polite manner still if they are wrong, and, help them to seek redemption in an instance where such is required. If you feel you are not in a position to talk to them, meet someone you know is in a better position to do that. If that is equally not feasible, then, keep quiet about it if it is not an evil that encompasses others. Plus, if you cannot talk to a person objectively about their shortcomings, how then will be in a position to condemn them for it? And, what you do, please be objective in it, do it with a good mind and with sincere intentions, to help that other person for the sake of Allah.

All these condemnation and thinking/speaking ill of one another is totally uncalled for… all the “kinni? As if we don’t know what she does under the cover of the night too…” and other similar lines are really not what is expected of a Muslimah.
May Allah ease our affairs and overlook our shortcomings: aameen.
Special thanks and love to the wonderful sister who chose this topic for us. I love you, sis. And, jazaakumuLlahu khayran.